Not So April Fool's
by cabbageoriley
Summary: Inspired by that one video where the girl pranks her teacher with a phone call saying she's pregnant. Only this isn't a joke. Just as his thumb hovers over the volume button, the phone disappears from his hands. He jerks his head up. "Give it back, Jackson!" he screams. "No, Stilinski. It's time for this to stop." "Just give it back," Stiles pleads. Stiles is horri
1. Chapter 1

Stiles is sitting in the re-built Hale house. He is supposed to be giving ideas at the weekly pack meeting, but he is distracted. Usually he throws around ideas like he's getting paid for them. Usually, he's laughing and goofing off with Scott. Usually, he's trying to not be completely obvious that he's crushing on his favorite Sour Wolf.

But, he is distracted. A lot has been going on in his life recently. He feels completely exhausted, and he can't even bring himself to care. He is currently curled up on the end of the sofa with his arm spread across the back of it and his head in his hand. (Barely trying to seem interested)

And, then it happens. His phone rings. "HOLY CRAP!" is an understatement. Mr. Big Bad hates it when someone's phone rings during a meeting. There is always growling and an intense stare-down when any pack member forgets to switch to silent. When Derek is really in a bad mood there are back flips and wall-shoving. Oh no.

Stiles flails so spectacularly that he is launched halfway off the couch. He tries to turn the phone down, but his hands aren't working. He can hear Derek growling behind him. And, to make matters worse, he can finally see who is calling… DEATON.

"Let me… I'm gonna just… it'll be off in… I got it… I swear I thought it was off… I'm gonna… Here, I…" Stiles doesn't even know he's rambling. His fingers are too long, and he's starting to panic. Oh this is not good; this is so not good.

Just as his thumb hovers over the volume button, the phone disappears from his hands. He jerks his head up. "Give it back, Jackson!" he screams. Stiles lunges forward, but the wolf steps back.

"No, Stilinski. It's time for this to stop."

"Just give it back," Stiles pleads.

"No! You know the rule. No distractions. No cell phones." Jackson growls. "You know what happens when one of our phones rings? We are punished, shoved into walls, banished from the house. Last time mine rang, Derek smashed it and refused to pay for a new one."

Stiles reaches for the phone again, but Jackson pulls his arm back to keep it away. Jackson smiles a crazed smile. "And guess what happens when your phone rings? Squat. Nothing!"

Derek huffs, "Just give him is phone back."

"Yeah," Stiles chimes in. "Listen to your Alpha."

"No! It's like you're his favorite, special, little pet or something. While the rest of us are threated and ripped apart, he gives you a sideways glance and you get off scot-free!" He looks around to the rest of the pack, and they agree with him. Even Scott, the traitor.

"Please, Jackson." Stiles begs, but it gets him nowhere. He kicks him in the shin, but that doesn't work either.

The phone stops ringing as a voicemail message records. Stiles grabs for the phone once more, but Jackson pushes him backward and Stiles trips into the coffee table. Before he can recover, Jackson has pushed play.

Stiles stares in frozen horror as his cheerful voicemail message plays before the beep. The line crackles as Deaton's voice comes over the line.

"Mr. Stilinski, you assured me you would answer the phone, but it seems that you're busy. Are you sitting down?"

Stiles can't move. This is it, his life is over. Everyone is going to know, and no one was supposed to know. Oh gosh, oh gosh, oh gosh. His face is beet red; he can feel it.

"Your tests came back positive. Congratulations, Stiles, you're pregnant."

The room is absolutely silent. No one is moving. No one is breathing.

Deaton continues, "I realize that Derek is no longer in the picture, and I am sorry about that for you. But, I am proud that you are committed to continuing the gestation. You'll… you'll make a good father. Take some time to process things, and then come ahead in to the office. My door will be 'closed' as usual, but I'll be here for you."

The phone beeps again, and that's it. Stiles hasn't realized it, but his arms are hugging his midsection and his face is wet with tears. He looks around the room at their shocked faces. A mix of confusion, disbelief, and horror are spread across everyone in the room.

Stiles chokes on a broken sob and runs out of the house.

It takes everyone a few minutes to come out of their stupors.

"Did that really just happen?" Scott asks. They all look at each other.

"That can't be possible," Lydia is dumbfounded.

Jackson finally recovers and laughs. The group glares at him. "Guys, this has to be a joke. Tomorrow is April 1st. April Fool's Day. He set up this prank a day early to really fool us."

Allison shakes her head. "There's no way Deaton would go along with that. He doesn't joke."

"Oh come on," Jackson retorts. "That's the part you found to be unbelievable?!" He laughs and motions to where Stiles was standing and to where Derek is still frozen. "If Stiles is pregnant, that means that the two of them dated and had S-E-X! That's the unbelievable part, right, Derek?" Everyone turns to Derek who is still motionless. "Right, Derek?"

Derek doesn't take the time to look at the pack; he just runs out of the front door and into the woods.

Derek finally finds Stiles with his back against a tree. He is absolutely sobbing. "Stiles."

"I'm so embarrassed." Stiles shakes his head. "I forgot so silence my phone, and then Jackson goes and…"

Derek sits down beside him. He isn't sure what he needs to do. "You're…"

"He ruined everything. No one was supposed to know. I didn't… I didn't want anyone to know."

"Not even me?"

"You're… you're the father. You… Yes, I would have… I don't… You deserved…"

"Shh…" Derek hushes. "Stiles, stop. I know you would have. Eventually."

"You don't have to worry, Derek," Stiles assures. He spreads his hands out firmly. "You don't have to do anything. I'm not going to ask for any money. You don't… You can just forget about it. I'm not going to bother you. But, I'm keeping it! You can't make me give it up. I'm not getting rid of it."

"I don't want you do get rid of it."

"Good." Stiles nods, just a little bit relieved.

"I don't want you to get rid of me either."

Stiles jerks toward Derek so fast that he might have given himself whiplash. "What?"

"We don't have to stay broken up. The… Our fight was stupid if you think about it. Remember how it started?"

"Whether to order thick crust or thin crust pizza." Stiles shakes his head, a small smile trying to inch onto his face.

"Which, thinking back, was probably due to your pregnancy hormones."

"Hey! No! It was because you… we… you always make us order thin. It's not fair."

Derek squeezes Stiles' neck. "Next time we'll compromise and get hand-tossed?"

Stiles grins at him, but then turns his head away. "You gotta be all the way in," he whispers. "You can't say we're in this together and then back out. It's not fair."

"I'm in."

"Derek?"

"Yeah?"

"We didn't break up over the pizza!" Stiles explodes. "That was just the beginning of a huge fiasco, and THAT was the reason we broke up. So… So, don't even TRY to blame it all on my hormones! That's not fair! Don't blame it all on me and our unborn child!"

Derek laughs, glad to have Stiles back. "It was all MY fault. Please forgive me."

"That's better."


	2. Chapter 2

The pack, with their noses pressed to the Hale house windows, sees Derek and Stiles walk back out of the woods.

"There they are!" Scott yells.

"No duh, McCall," Jackson retorts.

Lydia speaks up, "Can you hear what they're saying?"

"No," Scott pouts. "Derek put sound proofing in the walls to ensure any other wolves couldn't hear us. But, now we can't hear out either."

"Hey, look!" Allison brings their attention back to Stiles and the Alpha. "Derek has his hand on Stiles' stomach."

The group smashes in closer to the window so everyone can see.

"Stiles is really pregnant isn't he?" Jackson mumbles under his breath.

"Yeah, I think he is," Scott whimpers.

"With our Alpha's child," Jackson states in disbelief. "How did that happen?"

"You aced sex ed, baby," Lydia flips her hair as she turns to look at her boyfriend. "I think you know how it must have happened."

"No," he growls. "I mean, how… Why would THEY ever get together? There's no way Derek would go for a runt like Stilinski."

"My best friend is not a runt!" Scott lunges at Jackson.

The other boy gets right in Scott's face. "You can't tell me that you aren't shocked, too!"

Scott deflates. "Yes, I'm shocked, but not because they've been with each other. In a weird way, if you think about it, they kind of… suit each other, right?" He turns back to the window. "I just… Stiles never told me he was seeing anyone. We tell each other everything." He slumps into the window pane.

"Uh-oh," Allison turns to Lydia, "that's his kicked puppy face."

Derek and Stiles stand next to his Jeep.

"I'm going to head back home. There's no way I can face them right now." Stiles sighs and turns to his Jeep.

"You don't have to go. Don't you want to see me rip Jackson's throat out to avenge your honor?"

Stiles' smile is stunning. "No, you know I get squeamish about things like that." He rubs his sneaker into the dirt. He squints his eye as he looks back up into Derek's eyes. "But, take pictures."

Derek laughs.

Allison's lips quirk into a smile. "Oh, wow, they must be serious. I've never seen Derek genuinely smile before."

"Of course they're serious, they're having a kid together!" Jackson storms into the kitchen.

Lydia's high heels click in behind him. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"Jackson."

Her hands are on her hips, and he knows that means business. "I might feel just a little bit bad that I played the voicemail. Maybe."

"Be careful, Jackson. Your feelings are showing." She moves in closer to him and takes his hand. "You need to apologize. To both of them, but especially Stiles. He doesn't cry in front of people if he can help it. You really hurt him."

"I know," he whispers guiltily.

"Crap," Stiles whines as he sits down in his Jeep.

"What's wrong? Are you okay? Is it the…"

Stiles punches him in the arm. "Stop it. I'm fine. Your little werewolf spawn is fine. I forgot my keys."

"Where are they?"

"They're in the house." Stiles sighs. "I'm not going in there. Not with them in there. Not with him."

"I'll get them."

Scott is the first to see Derek walking back to the house. "Here he comes, guys."

The pack is standing in the living room when he enters the house. All of them, standing there guiltily- especially Jackson. Derek does not say anything to them. He just grabs his newly not-ex boyfriend's keys off the table and walks back outside. As he heads back toward Stiles' beloved Jeep, he can see that Stiles is standing next to it hopping from foot to foot. He twitches his eyebrows at him- a clear question if he ever asked one.

"I've gotta pee."

"I have five bathrooms."

"I'm not going in there."

"There are plenty of trees to go behind."

Stiles is appalled. "I am not peeing in the woods, Derek! I am not a squirrel." He shivers. "Unless you have a little werewolf toilet somewhere out there that I don't know about?"

Derek sighs a huge put-upon sigh. "Just go inside. No one will say anything to you."

"That's what I'm scared of." When it is clear that Derek doesn't understand, he continues. "I don't want them to think I'm a freak."

"They won't."

Stiles looks into Derek's eyes and trusts his words so deeply that he turns and runs to the house.

The pack tries to act natural, but Stiles is on a mission and doesn't even notice them. He does his business, blames the baby for pressing against his bladder (even though it's no bigger than a paper clip), washes his hands, and opens the door.

He nearly runs in to Jackson.

They stare at each other. Stiles tries to step to the right, but Jackson follows. He steps to the left, but Jackson follows.

"Stilinski, would you stand still so I can apologize?!"

Stiles freezes.

"I… am… sor…" He clears his throat. "I'm sor…ry?"

Stiles crosses his arms over his chest. "I think the words you're looking for are 'I'm a dick, and I will be your personal slave throughout the pregnancy to make up for completely humiliating you.'"

Jackson growls and starts to turn around to leave. He can see Lydia standing at the end of the hallway. She's making a threatening motion toward his favorite body part. He knows he isn't getting any until he correctly apologizes and makes Stiles happy. He turns back to him.

"I'm a major dick, and I will be your slave throughout the pregnancy to make up for completely humiliating you. I'm sorry."

Stiles takes his cellphone back when Jackson hands it to him.

"No worries," Stiles croaks lamely. He forces a smile onto his face and waves to Lydia. (Even though apologies don't always help all that much.)

When Stiles sheepishly back into the living room, Scott jumps forward and throws his arms out. "Why didn't you tell me you were dating Derek?!"

Stiles smiles a genuine smile. "We all just found out I was pregnant, and that is the question you ask?"

"We're best bros. Why didn't you tell me?"

Stiles shrugs his shoulders. "It's not like I purposely kept it from you. We just started hanging out a little. And then a lot. Then, there was sex in so many positions I can't even remember them all."

Derek face palms so epically that it should be recorded in the history books. His face is more flushed than Stiles' was when his phone rang.

Stiles continues as if he didn't say anything awkward at all. "It was so awesome how amazingly we clicked that it was just a state of being. It's like we didn't need to tell anyone, because no one else mattered." Allison and Lydia swoon, but Scott looks kicked again. "NOT THAT YOU DON'T MATTER!" he self-corrects. "Just… I didn't think to tell you. I'm sorry. But, then we broke up. I really didn't want to talk about it then. I'm sorry."

Scott sniffs. "S'okay."

Lydia steps forward. "I never thought I'd be saying this, but I'm throwing you a baby shower."

"Thank you, Lyds."

Allison giggles. "We're the godparents, right?"

"Of course," Stiles smiles. He leans into Derek when he steps behind him. He snuggles into his warmth. Everyone seems happy, and he suddenly realizes that the reveal went pretty well after all.

…

But now for his dad… uh-oh.

(Spoiler Alert- Sheriff Stilinski fainted. But, when he recovered, he was thrilled. He threatened Derek to never hurt his child again, but he was thrilled. He couldn't wait to have a grandchild to spoil. And, he gave his blessing when Derek asked for permission to marry Stiles. Spoiler Alert- Stiles said 'yes'.)


End file.
